Why expectations trip you up every time and how to avoid it
What do expectations do for you? Well, besides keeping you stuck in the shoulda-coulda trap…
“I should be able to write my newsletter in one go” or
“I know I could have done that podcast interview better” or
“I need to be less ________”(fill in your less-than thought)
Expectations stop you from doing what you want to do rather than keep you moving, striving and thriving in business.
But what if you removed the expectations and chose instead to be present where you are?
What if you removed the pressure of performance?
The best way to move past the expectation hang-ups that are still stalling you is to learn how to better process and filter what you usually hang on to, after not getting the results you wanted.
When I was in my coaching certification program one of the phrases that was often used was “watch what you make it mean”.
Why? Because only you have ultimate authority over how you interpret an event or happening.
But throw expectations into the mix and it’ll have you making meaning out of things that don’t warrant the time it takes to think it.
It’s NOT about not having goals.
Defining your goals and desires is one thing. Hanging your hat on a strict outcome for your goals places you in direct opposition to them.
Being unable to give up what that goal will look like, in the end, is setting yourself up for guaranteed angst, worry, doubt…all the things that take you away from achieving said goal.
Back when I first started writing newsletters (more than 12 years ago now) I thought they had to be perfectly coiffed and hugely informational for me to call it a successful send.
I put larger than life expectations on what these missives needed to be, what they needed to say and what they needed to offer my clients. It’s no wonder then that I always came away from a writing session feeling less than.
The long-term consequence of this was that no email was written or sent out with any regularity.
It always came down to me thinking I have nothing to say worth anyone’s reading time.
And, like clockwork, is when the hardcore recriminations started slapping themselves freely around in my head…
— I should know what I want to say, dammit!
— I should have created an outline for it days ago.
— I should know how to do this already!!!
— If only I was smart enough.
And there it is. Holding on to my expectations, in the end, I made it mean something about me personally.
I desperately wanted to be good at writing and be consistent at hitting that Send button.
My initial shoulda-coulda thoughts evolved into full-blown negativity about me as I gave in to, yet again, playing my not-enoughness thought loop?
This was always the scenario that played out in my head.
Until a couple of years ago when I stopped expecting myself to be all that and instead gave myself permission to just be me and enjoy the writing process.
Less human-y. More perfect.
On a podcast I listened to recently, the host shared a question that was asked by her client that sums this conundrum of expectations perfectly. The question asked was “how could a person not care so much about what others think about her work?”.
The podcaster summed it up perfectly with this line….
“…in effect, she was asking how could she be less human-y and more perfect?”
Her words are a true representation of our human experience that aptly describe the expectations we hold ourselves to as we strive to be more perfect & less like who we truly are.
Expectations throw you off our game.
It’s a set-up for guaranteed failure, especially if relying on external outcomes to show up exactly like they originally played out in your head.
Or when trying to control the perception of how others should receive our offerings, your content or your work.
Your business success is directly related to how much you allow yourself to just be a human being who is messy and unorganized or unknowledgeable about all the things your brain thinks you need to be perfect at.
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. ~James Clear, Atomic Habits
To avoid the trap expectations set up, spend more time taking imperfect action.
👉🏽 Flub on a video and leave it in.
👉🏽 Write crappy-to-you copy or content and publish it anyway.
👉🏽 Mess up.
👉🏽 A lot.
👉🏽 AND….be okay with it.
Be more okay with being just you rather than the perfect person your expectations are holding you to.
Lay down your expectations mantle. Then just calmly and quietly walk away.
Click here to subscribe to The Lighthouse Letter, my weekly newsletter. If you enjoyed reading this article, you might also like:
• Why the need to be productive is killing your business
• 10 Ways to release negative thoughts
